








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 162 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Wingman | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3728 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2795 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1660 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3490 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2350 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,124,998 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KingPyroe | 66% | 50 |
| #2 | Swarm | 59% | 59 |
| #3 | Voice | 59% | 139 |
| #4 | DTDusty | 52% | 83 |
| #5 | Sargent Gutta | 50% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sargent Gutta | 50% | 58 |
| #6 | FPS_Panda | 50% | 66 |
| #7 | Stratigos | 49% | 35 |
| #8 | Clinically A Beast | 45% | 22 |
| #9 | Stinky PooPoo Piss Fart Pants | 44% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DTDusty | 10 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Voice | 7 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Clinically A Beast | 5 | 0.0117 |
| #4 | Swarm | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Sargent Gutta | 4 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Voice | 603 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | Swarm | 325 | 0.26 | 8 min |
| #3 | DTDusty | 207 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Sargent Gutta | 147 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | KingPyroe | 120 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DTDusty | +1.86 | 78 | 51 |
| #2 | H4ZARD | +1.37 | 66 | 53 |
| #3 | Voice | +0.67 | 68 | 48 |
| #4 | Swarm | +0.45 | 54 | 61 |
| #5 | KingPyroe | +0.14 | 64 | 65 |





