








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 112 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 153 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




84 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1916 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,174 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1353 | 32% |
| Smokes | 835 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 728 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1258 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $574,999 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 56% | 43 | ||
| #2 | JITTERBUG JOOPER | 50% | 18 |
| #3 | shaggy | 47% | 34 |
| #4 | tits magee | 46% | 169 |
| #5 | cumdrippa_37 | 44% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | cumdrippa_37 | 44% | 70 |
| #6 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | 44% | 43 |
| #7 | Cowboy Joe | 43% | 30 |
| #8 | Galialith | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Jewsiph666 | 40% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tits magee | 66 | 0.0185 |
| #2 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | 16 | 0.0172 |
| #3 | cumdrippa_37 | 11 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | Jewsiph666 | 10 | 0.0050 |
| 10 | 0.0107 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cumdrippa_37 | 311 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | tits magee | 175 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | 100 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Cowboy Joe | 35 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| 29 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| +2.98 | 64 | 63 | ||
| #2 | shaggy | +2.10 | 73 | 57 |
| #3 | cumdrippa_37 | +2.08 | 66 | 67 |
| #4 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | +1.20 | 80 | 37 |
| #5 | tits magee | +0.65 | 64 | 32 |





