










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 118 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,787 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 676 | 24% |
| Smokes | 789 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 530 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 792 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $527,205 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| 69% | 13 | ||
| 67% | 9 | ||
| #3 | shaggy | 52% | 56 |
| #4 | tits magee | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Galialith | 45% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | tits magee | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Galialith | 45% | 128 |
| #6 | JITTERBUG JOOPER | 43% | 30 |
| #7 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 43% | 30 |
| #8 | Jewsiph666 | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Galialith | 21 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 17 | 0.0275 |
| #3 | JITTERBUG JOOPER | 11 | 0.0178 |
| #4 | shaggy | 10 | 0.0090 |
| #5 | tits magee | 4 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Galialith | 46 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | shaggy | 43 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | tits magee | 14 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| 12 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shaggy | +3.90 | 76 | 62 |
| #2 | Cowboy Joe | +1.28 | 83 | 47 |
| #3 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | +0.72 | 72 | 49 |
| #4 | tits magee | +0.71 | 70 | 36 |
| +0.69 | 68 | 44 |





