








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1610 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 575 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1322 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 723 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1343 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $376,667 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | tits magee | 48% | 61 |
| #6 | JITTERBUG JOOPER | 47% | 17 |
| #7 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 47% | 34 |
| #8 | Jewsiph666 | 44% | 36 |
| #9 | cumdrippa_37 | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 16 | 0.0242 |
| #2 | tits magee | 14 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Galialith | 12 | 0.0107 |
| #4 | JITTERBUG JOOPER | 8 | 0.0241 |
| #5 | Cowboy Joe | 5 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tits magee | 94 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | cumdrippa_37 | 81 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | 63 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Cowboy Joe | 52 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | 28 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shaggy | +2.27 | 75 | 59 |
| #2 | Cowboy Joe | +1.05 | 83 | 41 |
| #3 | cumdrippa_37 | +0.88 | 69 | 58 |
| #4 | JITTERBUG JENKINS | +0.53 | 73 | 41 |
| #5 | rb30e (counterstrikeologist) | +0.34 | 82 | 35 |





