








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
661 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,765 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 555 | 31% |
| Smokes | 647 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 290 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 273 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,904 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alexzom12[Valk] | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | MoDCore | 60% | 20 |
| #3 | Crystal Daniel2[Valk] | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | huwgomez | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | Ramoslamo | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Joif | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | DiNozzoHarris | 41% | 29 |
| #8 | Plague_doctor[Valk] | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | Sam7372 | 25% | 4 |
| #10 | RJG | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crystal Daniel2[Valk] | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | DiNozzoHarris | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | MoDCore | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Joif | 1 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Alexzom12[Valk] | 1 | 0.0101 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crystal Daniel2[Valk] | 59 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Joif | 53 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | MoDCore | 42 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | DiNozzoHarris | 38 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ramoslamo | 24 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crystal Daniel2[Valk] | +1.72 | 49 | 46 |
| #2 | Joif | +0.67 | 79 | 72 |
| #3 | Sam7372 | +0.47 | 50 | 20 |
| #4 | bad at game | +0.44 | 45 | 50 |
| #5 | RJG | +0.41 | 58 | 41 |





