








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 96 matches | ||
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4720 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3377 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2440 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 4502 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3574 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $508,113 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 222 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | VaZe | 50% | 56 |
| #8 | nicozoro | 48% | 40 |
| #9 | jOE | 40% | 60 |
| #10 | oh no! | 36% | 61 |
| #11 | ♡E⭕⃤ | 28% | 39 |





