








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 288 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1773 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,092 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2503 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2176 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1581 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1832 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $587,931 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 226 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kulsi~ | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Cronuz | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | eellie01 | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | Lars | 58% | 65 |
| #5 | Chillnub | 58% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kvistkløyværn | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Lars | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | The Onion Jr | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | holymaloney | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Chillnub | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Onion Jr | 587 | 0.29 | 15 min |
| #2 | holymaloney | 167 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kvistkløyværn | 143 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lars | 112 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Keli96 | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kulsi~ | +4.41 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | Lars | +3.28 | 44 | 66 |
| #3 | Keli96 | +2.02 | 76 | 76 |
| #4 | Cronuz | +1.76 | 48 | 80 |
| #5 | Chillnub | +1.35 | 65 | 69 |





