








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 667 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 174 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2358 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,942 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3693 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1934 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2974 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1341 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,341,004 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 352 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vladen the sexy rat | 63% | 82 |
| #2 | Pump | 57% | 40 |
| #3 | ZiMAN | 55% | 74 |
| #4 | Lolismurf | 52% | 365 |
| #5 | Frank Skallebank | 52% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Franklin SkuIIfuck | 49% | 41 |
| #7 | 42 Phantom | 47% | 78 |
| #8 | Janfeel ♛ | 47% | 34 |
| #9 | Jan Deag | 41% | 44 |
| #10 | sodium | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lolismurf | 20 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Frank Skallebank | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Vladen the sexy rat | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Janfeel ♛ | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | ZiMAN | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lolismurf | 681 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #2 | Frank Skallebank | 203 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Vladen the sexy rat | 186 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | ZiMAN | 179 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Janfeel ♛ | 131 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vladen the sexy rat | +6.15 | 74 | 76 |
| #2 | Janfeel ♛ | +2.33 | 54 | 68 |
| #3 | sodium | +1.35 | 75 | 55 |
| #4 | Frank Skallebank | +1.08 | 69 | 62 |
| #5 | ZiMAN | +0.84 | 80 | 57 |





