








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 274 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 687 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 333 | 48% |
| Smokes | 163 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 87 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 104 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $120,762 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2253 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | canada | 44% | 112 |
| #12 | ryno9766 | 37% | 30 |
| #13 | j4ggr | 36% | 36 |
| #14 | Osaka 4 | 36% | 39 |
| #15 | Osaka 7 | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sabre | 58 | 0.0245 |
| #2 | canada | 28 | 0.0122 |
| #3 | Osaka 4 | 20 | 0.0270 |
| #4 | Max | 14 | 0.0279 |
| #5 | ryno9766 | 13 | 0.0218 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sabre | 306 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | canada | 226 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Max | 100 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | Osaka 4 | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Burger Beers | 69 | 0.06 | 1 min |





