








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 122 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,498 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 929 | 27% |
| Smokes | 916 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1001 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 652 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $405,950 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | King Julien | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | ♡AppleKosie♡ | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | Jeff ツ | 45% | 22 |
| #4 | ApeX | 45% | 88 |
| #5 | IceWeasel_69™ | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | King Julien | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | ♡AppleKosie♡ | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | Jeff ツ | 45% | 22 |
| #4 | ApeX | 45% | 88 |
| #5 | IceWeasel_69™ | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeff ツ | 4 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | ApeX | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | ♡AppleKosie♡ | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | IceWeasel_69™ | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ApeX | 114 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #2 | ♡AppleKosie♡ | 50 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | King Julien | 27 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jeff ツ | 25 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | IceWeasel_69™ | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ApeX | +2.27 | 77 | 49 |
| #2 | ♡AppleKosie♡ | +0.67 | 53 | 37 |
| #3 | IceWeasel_69™ | -0.31 | 43 | 55 |
| #4 | Ivan Toney | -1.25 | 40 | 60 |
| #5 | Jeff ツ | -2.58 | 44 | 33 |





