








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 168 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Esplay | 9 matches | 1,338 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 755 | 21% |
| Smokes | 542 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1419 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $232,079 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Petterschon | 35% | 37 |
| #5 | Fanky | 35% | 55 |
| #6 | zjesus | 34% | 58 |
| #7 | RileXn | 30% | 10 |
| #8 | Husmusen | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zjesus | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Fanky | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Knugen special | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Petterschon | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knugen special | 148 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Petterschon | 102 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Fanky | 92 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | zjesus | 61 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | RileXn | 31 | 0.16 | 1 min |





