








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 430 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4436 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,556 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8974 | 42% |
| Smokes | 5967 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4598 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2017 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $746,115 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1298 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Little TvD | 46% | 114 |
| #7 | Arx | 45% | 40 |
| #8 | Mr. Scooby Jew | 44% | 114 |
| #9 | Read, my friend. | 41% | 34 |
| #10 | sef8 | 40% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bienes | 40 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Mr. Scooby Jew | 39 | 0.0176 |
| #3 | deepmuffin | 28 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | sef8 | 15 | 0.0183 |
| #5 | poyraz | 12 | 0.0139 |





