








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
511 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 98 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 42 | 43% |
| Smokes | 11 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 22 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 23 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,750 of utility $5 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Read, my friend. | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | poyraz | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | Autistic Nigga | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | lightacouis | 40% | 42 |
| #5 | bienes | 36% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | bienes | 36% | 50 |
| #6 | Mr. Scooby Jew | 34% | 44 |
| #7 | Little TvD | 32% | 31 |
| #8 | deepmuffin | 23% | 30 |
| #9 | waoud | 11% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Scooby Jew | 17 | 0.0199 |
| #2 | lightacouis | 14 | 0.0172 |
| #3 | bienes | 10 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | deepmuffin | 5 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | waoud | 4 | 0.0194 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lightacouis | 306 | 0.38 | 8 min |
| #2 | bienes | 205 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mr. Scooby Jew | 136 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | waoud | 57 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #5 | Little TvD | 21 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | waoud | +5.91 | 82 | 77 |
| #2 | lightacouis | +5.06 | 71 | 79 |
| #3 | bienes | +2.39 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | Mr. Scooby Jew | -1.22 | 22 | 55 |
| #5 | poyraz | -1.75 | 33 | 13 |





