








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 62 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
983 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,336 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2103 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2541 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1328 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 364 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,538 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Autistic Nigga | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | waoud | 46% | 37 |
| #3 | lightacouis | 44% | 114 |
| #4 | Little TvD | 43% | 90 |
| #5 | bienes | 42% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | bienes | 42% | 146 |
| #6 | deepmuffin | 35% | 100 |
| #7 | sef8 | 34% | 44 |
| #8 | poyraz | 33% | 21 |
| #9 | Read, my friend. | 30% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bienes | 27 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | lightacouis | 26 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | deepmuffin | 11 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | poyraz | 11 | 0.0268 |
| #5 | sef8 | 10 | 0.0115 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lightacouis | 837 | 0.38 | 19 min |
| #2 | bienes | 526 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #3 | waoud | 245 | 0.33 | 5 min |
| #4 | Little TvD | 95 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Read, my friend. | 58 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lightacouis | +4.91 | 69 | 76 |
| #2 | waoud | +4.84 | 76 | 73 |
| #3 | bienes | +1.40 | 68 | 57 |
| #4 | poyraz | +0.98 | 66 | 23 |
| #5 | Mr. Scooby Jew | -1.24 | 25 | 57 |





