










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 516 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,180 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 210 | 3% |
| Smokes | 991 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2722 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 2257 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,153,427 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | MaestroEbrut | 53% | 36 |
| #6 | Dr Goon | 51% | 76 |
| #7 | rizure | 48% | 54 |
| #8 | whoopzpie | 45% | 60 |
| #9 | comediaN | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lil'caesars | 686 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #2 | CieL | 167 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | rizure | 161 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | MaestroEbrut | 101 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Dr Goon | 85 | 0.06 | 1 min |





