








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
689 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,871 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 671 | 36% |
| Smokes | 344 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 529 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 327 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $89,945 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phantomth1eve | 43% | 44 |
| #2 | Stev | 38% | 73 |
| #3 | ✪ Dale | 38% | 40 |
| #4 | ax3 | 9% | 11 |
| #5 | Alyssa | 9% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Stev | 38% | 73 |
| #3 | ✪ Dale | 38% | 40 |
| #4 | ax3 | 9% | 11 |
| #5 | Alyssa | 9% | 11 |
| #6 | Electric Vehicle | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stev | 14 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Phantomth1eve | 10 | 0.0128 |
| #3 | ✪ Dale | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Alyssa | 2 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | ax3 | 1 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stev | 88 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Phantomth1eve | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | ax3 | 41 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪ Dale | 39 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Alyssa | 16 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ax3 | +2.04 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | ✪ Dale | +1.00 | 82 | 53 |
| #3 | Stev | +0.79 | 75 | 38 |
| #4 | Phantomth1eve | -0.37 | 63 | 48 |
| #5 | Iron | -0.41 | 78 | 44 |





