








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1962 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 938 | 36% |
| Smokes | 378 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 298 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1004 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $455,685 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nebula | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Celected | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Arum | 61% | 31 |
| #4 | MLG Milkman ✪ | 60% | 48 |
| #5 | 40AiR | 59% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Large Man on The Educational Ins | 59% | 58 |
| #7 | Ru55kiii | 57% | 14 |
| #8 | BamBam42 | 57% | 30 |
| #9 | GaryThaGoat^ | 55% | 60 |
| #10 | MessyMarv | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GaryThaGoat^ | 7 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | 40AiR | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | BamBam42 | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | MLG Milkman ✪ | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | MessyMarv | 2 | 0.0141 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GaryThaGoat^ | 263 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #2 | 40AiR | 236 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | BamBam42 | 124 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Arum | 77 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nebula | 62 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MLG Milkman ✪ | +4.14 | 88 | 54 |
| #2 | SLURPEE | +1.58 | 90 | 44 |
| #3 | Large Man on The Educational Ins | +1.07 | 61 | 41 |
| #4 | GaryThaGoat^ | +1.03 | 76 | 66 |
| #5 | Nebula | +0.79 | 65 | 56 |





