








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1239 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 717 matches | ||
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 161 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8834 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6396 | 17% |
| Smokes | 9422 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 10382 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 10831 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,873,629 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 369 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Dinkleberg | 49% | 478 |
| #8 | R@cker | 49% | 249 |
| #9 | weid1n | 47% | 150 |
| #10 | Captain | DasBaum | 45% | 65 |
| #11 | Dr. Bob | 43% | 239 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Übellomeister | 17 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Dinkleberg | 13 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | don donno | 9 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | R@cker | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Dr. Bob | 6 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | don donno | 2353 | 0.18 | 60 min |
| #2 | Dinkleberg | 845 | 0.08 | 19 min |
| #3 | Dr. Bob | 420 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #4 | Übellomeister | 374 | 0.05 | 12 min |
| #5 | Griffith The Hawk of Light | 314 | 0.18 | 7 min |





