








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1355 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 642 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 131 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7644 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,245 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12014 | 30% |
| Smokes | 11857 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 8689 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 7685 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,636,815 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 257 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | weid1n | 50% | 107 |
| #8 | Dr. Bob | 49% | 237 |
| #9 | Dinkleberg | 49% | 403 |
| #10 | flowsenN | 45% | 135 |
| #11 | Captain | DasBaum | 44% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Übellomeister | 22 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Dinkleberg | 13 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Domsn10 | 12 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | R@cker | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Griffith The Hawk of Light | 7 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Domsn10 | 1000 | 0.07 | 19 min |
| #2 | Dinkleberg | 685 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #3 | Griffith The Hawk of Light | 585 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #4 | Dr. Bob | 417 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #5 | Übellomeister | 333 | 0.05 | 11 min |





