








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 254 matches | ||
| Premier | 198 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




78 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,611 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4934 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3319 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4575 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2783 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,189,673 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 234 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | pxnk | 48% | 236 |
| #3 | BigMatt | 45% | 239 |
| #4 | Jok3r | 44% | 142 |
| #5 | DJ Boggle | 43% | 299 |
| #6 | HunchoP | 38% | 130 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigMatt | 43 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | pxnk | 22 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | HunchoP | 19 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | DJ Boggle | 17 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Jok3r | 7 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJ Boggle | 1244 | 0.19 | 32 min |
| #2 | pxnk | 1203 | 0.24 | 33 min |
| #3 | Jok3r | 495 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #4 | BigMatt | 419 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #5 | HunchoP | 318 | 0.11 | 5 min |





