








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
468 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,172 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 173 | 15% |
| Smokes | 271 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 392 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 336 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $126,142 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | SSquirrel_69 | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Mysticus | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | Natural.Born.Tweaker | 62% | 26 |
| #5 | Enga-E | 61% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jorma Mällinen | 6 | 0.0299 |
| #2 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Mysticus | 3 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒾𝒶 | 3 | 0.0169 |
| #5 | Enga-E | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mysticus | 126 | 0.32 | 2 min |
| #2 | Enga-E | 67 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒾𝒶 | 53 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | 36 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jorma Mällinen | 25 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Enga-E | +3.96 | 82 | 47 |
| #2 | BOT Wally | +3.27 | 72 | 54 |
| #3 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | +1.55 | 63 | 52 |
| #4 | SSquirrel_69 | +1.40 | 80 | 66 |
| #5 | Mysticus | +0.46 | 34 | 58 |





