








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1013 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,444 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1463 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1088 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 640 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1253 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $206,747 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ProfessorHobs | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 52% | 93 |
| #3 | Primetime | 49% | 82 |
| #4 | Bateman | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | sen | 47% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | sen | 47% | 49 |
| #6 | zChocolateMan | 44% | 63 |
| #7 | Wojtek | 41% | 34 |
| #8 | olive eyes | 38% | 8 |
| #9 | Tiny Fish | 27% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Wojtek | 4 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Tiny Fish | 4 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | sen | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Primetime | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | 245 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | sen | 130 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Wojtek | 114 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Primetime | 103 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | zChocolateMan | 80 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +5.30 | 77 | 61 |
| #2 | sen | +2.64 | 74 | 52 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | +0.96 | 68 | 50 |
| #4 | Tiny Fish | +0.16 | 61 | 39 |
| #5 | olive eyes | -0.29 | 39 | 54 |





