










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
741 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 360 | 20% |
| Smokes | 630 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 445 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 354 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $190,998 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wojtek | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Primetime | 53% | 72 |
| #3 | starinatbars | 52% | 88 |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 44% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Primetime | 53% | 72 |
| #3 | starinatbars | 52% | 88 |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 44% | 63 |
| #6 | sen | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Primetime | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | sen | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 210 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | starinatbars | 200 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Primetime | 91 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | sen | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Wojtek | 19 | 0.24 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +4.77 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | sen | +1.47 | 68 | 50 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | +1.33 | 75 | 50 |
| #4 | Primetime | +0.11 | 75 | 49 |
| #5 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | -0.98 | 57 | 57 |





