








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1308 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,746 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2612 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3600 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 1107 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1427 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $318,729 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sen | 55% | 20 |
| #2 | ProfessorHobs | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | starinatbars | 44% | 43 |
| #4 | Primetime | 43% | 53 |
| #5 | Tiny Fish | 42% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Fish | 17 | 0.0115 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 4 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Primetime | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | 120 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Tiny Fish | 105 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 93 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Primetime | 55 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +4.64 | 70 | 56 |
| #2 | Chief Keef | +4.00 | 76 | 61 |
| #3 | sen | +1.77 | 77 | 49 |
| #4 | ProfessorHobs | +1.17 | 68 | 51 |
| #5 | Tiny Fish | +0.50 | 59 | 40 |





