








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3202 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,848 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2689 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2982 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1935 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1242 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,034,254 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ProfessorHobs | 55% | 38 |
| #2 | zChocolateMan | 52% | 88 |
| #3 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 52% | 93 |
| #4 | Primetime | 52% | 126 |
| #5 | sen | 50% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Primetime | 52% | 126 |
| #5 | sen | 50% | 68 |
| #6 | Tiny Fish | 49% | 47 |
| #7 | Wojtek | 44% | 43 |
| #8 | olive eyes | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Fish | 14 | 0.0154 |
| #2 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Primetime | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Wojtek | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | zChocolateMan | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 302 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | sen | 173 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Primetime | 149 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Wojtek | 130 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | zChocolateMan | 103 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +4.18 | 73 | 59 |
| #2 | sen | +1.08 | 71 | 47 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | +0.97 | 67 | 52 |
| #4 | Tiny Fish | +0.03 | 60 | 38 |
| #5 | olive eyes | -0.65 | 56 | 54 |





