








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1244 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,761 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 827 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1029 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 344 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 561 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $290,586 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 55% | 38 |
| #3 | Tiny Fish | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | Wojtek | 53% | 43 |
| #5 | Primetime | 47% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny Fish | 9 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | starinatbars | 7 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 4 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Wojtek | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | sen | 2 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wojtek | 174 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | starinatbars | 104 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Executioner | 76 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Locked-in Syndrome ♿ | 75 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Tiny Fish | 68 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | starinatbars | +3.68 | 71 | 63 |
| #2 | sen | +2.38 | 78 | 55 |
| #3 | ProfessorHobs | +1.24 | 67 | 52 |
| #4 | Tiny Fish | -0.19 | 61 | 34 |
| #5 | Executioner | -0.32 | 33 | 59 |





