








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 190 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2549 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,187 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1463 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1671 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1093 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 960 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $721,475 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 180 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puppy Monkey Baby | 9 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | pcookie2222 | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Chilla | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | oats | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | kortness | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puppy Monkey Baby | 437 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | Chilla | 277 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #3 | pcookie2222 | 226 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | Penske | 185 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #5 | Fictionul | 90 | 0.10 | 2 min |





