








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 243 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1663 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,378 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1216 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1963 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2689 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1510 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $421,523 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Zyn Cool Mint | 46% | 39 |
| #5 | Lebron Westshine | 46% | 130 |
| #6 | Ace Eucalyptus | 41% | 86 |
| #7 | LeBron Sunshine | 36% | 90 |
| #8 | Slumpy | 34% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bussatron9000 | 11 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Slumpy | 9 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Lebron Westshine | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Ace Eucalyptus | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | LeBron Sunshine | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lebron Westshine | 288 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Bussatron9000 | 249 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Ace Eucalyptus | 116 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Slumpy | 114 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | LeBron Sunshine | 59 | 0.03 | 1 min |





