








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 275 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2883 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,756 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 918 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2025 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1388 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2425 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,133,995 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bussatron9000 | 49% | 188 |
| #5 | Slumpy | 47% | 81 |
| #6 | Zyn Cool Mint | 47% | 75 |
| #7 | Lebron Westshine | 44% | 126 |
| #8 | Ace Eucalyptus | 43% | 114 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reavergy | 20 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Bussatron9000 | 14 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Lebron Westshine | 12 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | LeBron Sunshine | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Slumpy | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bussatron9000 | 516 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | Lebron Westshine | 314 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | Ace Eucalyptus | 191 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | Reavergy | 116 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Slumpy | 102 | 0.06 | 3 min |





