








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1004 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,992 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1419 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2326 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1224 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1023 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,871 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poo twoo | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | poo threee | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | Captain Jailbait | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | smaashed | 47% | 49 |
| #5 | Teenis Envy | 47% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paintball Dave | 32 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | poo threee | 31 | 0.0391 |
| #3 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 22 | 0.0104 |
| #4 | Teenis Envy | 20 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Mr. Frown | 18 | 0.0129 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teenis Envy | 511 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | 同性愛な黒人 poo sheisty | 440 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | Paintball Dave | 387 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | Mr. Frown | 153 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | BamBamCam | 121 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poo threee | +7.52 | 78 | 46 |
| #2 | Paintball Dave | +6.44 | 83 | 55 |
| #3 | Teenis Envy | +1.91 | 71 | 62 |
| #4 | smaashed | +1.83 | 77 | 66 |
| #5 | paulie | +0.08 | 76 | 63 |





