








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 532 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 398 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3285 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,125 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4608 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3292 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4765 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6460 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,866,487 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | beckie | 50% | 103 |
| #10 | Wolf | 48% | 92 |
| #11 | frankie | 46% | 188 |
| #12 | holy | 45% | 212 |
| #13 | Dichol | 33% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | firemonarch | 17 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | frankie | 16 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Wolf | 15 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Mr. Alchemist | 13 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Nakano | 11 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | firemonarch | 692 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | 高潮老爸 | 581 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #3 | frankie | 429 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | Mr. Alchemist | 405 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #5 | Nakano | 393 | 0.13 | 11 min |





