








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,207 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2851 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2450 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1568 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2338 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $213,844 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 325 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dou | 82% | 17 |
| #2 | Dezire SWANKY <G2A> | 82% | 11 |
| #3 | null | 70% | 27 |
| #4 | helix | 69% | 13 |
| #5 | AMERIKKKAN BADA$$ | 68% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | blu | 67% | 21 |
| #7 | all black attire | 67% | 30 |
| #8 | ftsrellik | 67% | 39 |
| #9 | slipary | 65% | 124 |
| #10 | tony | 61% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slipary | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | AMERIKKKAN BADA$$ | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | all black attire | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | null | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Dezire SWANKY <G2A> | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slipary | 486 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #2 | Dezire SWANKY <G2A> | 162 | 0.67 | 5 min |
| #3 | AMERIKKKAN BADA$$ | 127 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | ftsrellik | 109 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | all black attire | 82 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | helix | +6.39 | 95 | 72 |
| #2 | slipary | +3.39 | 83 | 71 |
| #3 | Dezire SWANKY <G2A> | +2.81 | 79 | 92 |
| #4 | null | +2.00 | 89 | 41 |
| #5 | dou | +1.44 | 82 | 61 |





