








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 592 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 196 | 33% |
| Smokes | 191 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 94 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 111 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $84,645 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spiffy0 | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Lync007 | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | Pyrex | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | M1n1maL | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | CS.PRO | Get Off My Totems | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M1n1maL | 2 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | Ajax | 2 | 0.0164 |
| #3 | Lync007 | 2 | 0.0167 |
| #4 | Spiffy0 | 2 | 0.0256 |
| #5 | CS.PRO | Get Off My Totems | 1 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pixelated Prophecy TTV | 41 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | Lync007 | 39 | 0.33 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pyrex | 33 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #4 | M1n1maL | 33 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ajax | 33 | 0.27 | 1 min |





