








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 803 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 977 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 259 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8359 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4214 | 13% |
| Smokes | 6781 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 13114 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 8426 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,242,853 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 912 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | AverageWheelchairEnjoyer | 48% | 1089 |
| #4 | Roobbaatt | 47% | 224 |
| #5 | Czekalski | 47% | 408 |
| #6 | IdiotSandwhich | 45% | 113 |
| #7 | LilTigerX | 44% | 198 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AverageWheelchairEnjoyer | 48 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Czekalski | 14 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Gazzy | 14 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Roobbaatt | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | IdiotSandwhich | 3 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AverageWheelchairEnjoyer | 3375 | 0.15 | 85 min |
| #2 | Gazzy | 999 | 0.12 | 25 min |
| #3 | Czekalski | 738 | 0.09 | 18 min |
| #4 | Roobbaatt | 611 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #5 | LilTigerX | 525 | 0.13 | 11 min |





