








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 249 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 227 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 127 matches | ||
| Premier | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




164 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7747 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,955 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4279 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3885 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4461 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 3330 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,725,055 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ blanco_- | 56% | 62 |
| #2 | ƙαρ | 54% | 107 |
| #3 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 53% | 89 |
| #4 | Flying Jew | 53% | 169 |
| #5 | Chicken BigMac | 50% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Chicken BigMac | 50% | 102 |
| #6 | Donald J. Trump | 48% | 118 |
| #7 | Minimum Affect | 47% | 471 |
| #8 | iicantsee | 41% | 225 |
| #9 | 𝕯eTox Brandon Poochi | 38% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 184 | 0.0202 |
| #2 | Flying Jew | 53 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | Donald J. Trump | 45 | 0.0195 |
| #4 | 𝕯eTox Brandon Poochi | 35 | 0.0358 |
| #5 | Chicken BigMac | 27 | 0.0135 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 1740 | 0.19 | 38 min |
| #2 | ƙαρ | 623 | 0.30 | 17 min |
| #3 | Donald J. Trump | 527 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | Chicken BigMac | 313 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | 𝕯eTox Brandon Poochi | 177 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ƙαρ | +6.10 | 80 | 68 |
| #2 | ✪ blanco_- | +2.24 | 71 | 52 |
| #3 | Flying Jew | +1.61 | 70 | 50 |
| #4 | Minimum Affect | +1.58 | 50 | 65 |
| #5 | Donald J. Trump | +1.37 | 67 | 54 |





