








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 722 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 201 matches | ||
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 116 matches | ||
| Faceit | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




254 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,599 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2451 | 13% |
| Smokes | 3764 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 7222 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 6162 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,575,124 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 607 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ƙαρ | 58% | 132 |
| #2 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 58% | 119 |
| #3 | papa drew | 53% | 169 |
| #4 | Donald J. Trump | 50% | 170 |
| #5 | Minimum Affect | 49% | 690 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | papa drew | 53% | 169 |
| #4 | Donald J. Trump | 50% | 170 |
| #5 | Minimum Affect | 49% | 690 |
| #6 | iicantsee | 47% | 224 |
| #7 | Chicken BigMac | 39% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 272 | 0.0199 |
| #2 | Donald J. Trump | 46 | 0.0137 |
| #3 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 34 | 0.0145 |
| #4 | ƙαρ | 32 | 0.0118 |
| #5 | papa drew | 30 | 0.0092 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 2869 | 0.21 | 62 min |
| #2 | ƙαρ | 788 | 0.29 | 20 min |
| #3 | Donald J. Trump | 647 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #4 | papa drew | 306 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #5 | iicantsee | 153 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ƙαρ | +5.56 | 82 | 69 |
| #2 | Flying Jew | +1.61 | 73 | 49 |
| #3 | Donald J. Trump | +1.25 | 64 | 63 |
| #4 | Minimum Affect | +1.22 | 51 | 65 |
| #5 | Chicken BigMac | -0.75 | 50 | 39 |





