








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 770 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 118 matches | ||
| Wingman | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




139 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4735 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4438 | 42% |
| Smokes | 2118 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2587 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1418 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,699,447 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 554 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SQUISHY | 71% | 35 |
| #2 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 60% | 30 |
| #3 | ✪ blanco_- | 53% | 93 |
| #4 | Donald J. Trump | 52% | 201 |
| #5 | papa drew | 50% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | papa drew | 50% | 102 |
| #6 | Minimum Affect | 50% | 332 |
| #7 | hazyy | 43% | 28 |
| #8 | iicantsee | 39% | 74 |
| #9 | Flying Jew | 39% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 149 | 0.0230 |
| #2 | Donald J. Trump | 76 | 0.0204 |
| #3 | papa drew | 19 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | iicantsee | 16 | 0.0111 |
| #5 | Flying Jew | 11 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 1398 | 0.22 | 28 min |
| #2 | Donald J. Trump | 728 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #3 | papa drew | 216 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | SQUISHY | 164 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #5 | ✪ blanco_- | 143 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SQUISHY | +7.06 | 87 | 44 |
| #2 | hazyy | +2.60 | 67 | 63 |
| #3 | Donald J. Trump | +2.28 | 71 | 60 |
| #4 | ✪ blanco_- | +2.27 | 72 | 54 |
| #5 | Minimum Affect | +1.93 | 54 | 63 |





