








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1250 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 113 matches | ||
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8261 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,708 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9896 | 38% |
| Smokes | 5442 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 6272 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4098 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $636,183 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 557 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ascend | 65% | 37 |
| #2 | Flying Jew | 58% | 132 |
| #3 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 57% | 105 |
| #4 | 𝕯eTox Brandon Poochi | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | Minimum Affect | 56% | 428 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Minimum Affect | 56% | 428 |
| #6 | Donald J. Trump | 55% | 40 |
| #7 | papa drew | 54% | 107 |
| #8 | ✪ blanco_- | 53% | 32 |
| #9 | iicantsee | 53% | 275 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 103 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Widest Rapper on Earth | 17 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | Flying Jew | 15 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | iicantsee | 14 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | 𝕯eTox Brandon Poochi | 12 | 0.0193 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Minimum Affect | 1822 | 0.21 | 43 min |
| #2 | iicantsee | 214 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #3 | papa drew | 177 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | Flying Jew | 141 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | Donald J. Trump | 139 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ƙαρ | +6.34 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | Minimum Affect | +0.30 | 49 | 68 |
| #3 | Flying Jew | -0.10 | 74 | 52 |
| #4 | ✪ blanco_- | -0.11 | 69 | 36 |
| #5 | Donald J. Trump | -0.62 | 59 | 62 |





