








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2706 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,339 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3668 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2847 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3217 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2607 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $850,560 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 57% | 30 |
| #2 | Chick3n | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Young Dolph | 53% | 156 |
| #4 | sk1 | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Wetahded turdle | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | sk1 | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | Wetahded turdle | 46% | 28 |
| #6 | Koala Jesus | 45% | 60 |
| #7 | Shadow | 41% | 58 |
| #8 | Opmar Singh | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Young Dolph | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Wetahded turdle | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Chick3n | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Koala Jesus | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 146 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Young Dolph | 137 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #3 | Shadow | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 100 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 71 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sk1 | +2.50 | 74 | 52 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | +2.26 | 81 | 65 |
| #3 | Koala Jesus v.2 | +1.72 | 86 | 58 |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | +1.49 | 52 | 70 |
| #5 | Shadow | +0.33 | 75 | 41 |





