








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 243 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4880 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,691 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2456 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2357 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 826 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 2052 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,973,649 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1819 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyden | 46% | 141 |
| #2 | jerry <3 | 46% | 46 |
| #3 | Rat Priest | 45% | 141 |
| #4 | jerry | 42% | 106 |
| #5 | Emorter | 41% | 257 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Rat Priest | 45% | 141 |
| #4 | jerry | 42% | 106 |
| #5 | Emorter | 41% | 257 |
| #6 | Talxos | 38% | 215 |
| #7 | Sleepiest Vampire | 33% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emorter | 62 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Talxos | 45 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | jerry | 15 | 0.0070 |
| #4 | Rat Priest | 14 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Kyden | 12 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emorter | 906 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #2 | Talxos | 507 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Kyden | 379 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Rat Priest | 176 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | jerry | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyden | +4.13 | 83 | 48 |
| #2 | Emorter | +1.75 | 60 | 55 |
| #3 | Rat Priest | +1.62 | 56 | 43 |
| #4 | jerry <3 | +1.44 | 48 | 43 |
| #5 | jerry | +0.87 | 62 | 32 |





