








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1076 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 552 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 193 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5626 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,987 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3771 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4997 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6852 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 5367 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,549,740 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1847 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egeland | 55% | 197 |
| #2 | x-pl0it | 53% | 49 |
| #3 | t00kie | 51% | 79 |
| #4 | TURBOPRINZ | 49% | 73 |
| #5 | MɅXIMVS MIKE | 49% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | TԋҽRιɳG | 44% | 113 |
| #15 | Sir Arthur Harris, 1st Baronet | 44% | 59 |
| #16 | Hard | 44% | 50 |
| #17 | ALF! | 43% | 58 |
| #18 | Atrox | 41% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mOb | 15 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | .teil | 10 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Egeland | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | MɅXIMVS MIKE | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | HarryHamster | 5 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MɅXIMVS MIKE | 439 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | mOb | 438 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #3 | t00kie | 422 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #4 | .teil | 370 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #5 | Egeland | 281 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagwag y | +1.45 | 79 | 68 |
| #2 | Ken0 | +0.72 | 56 | 65 |
| #3 | HarryHamster | +0.41 | 45 | 48 |
| #4 | Josh 未来 | +0.35 | 59 | 64 |
| #5 | Egeland | +0.34 | 42 | 69 |





