








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1635 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 925 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1707 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1982 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2605 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $298,337 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4446 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gator don't play | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Ron Swanson | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | MessiaHz | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | Gobbles | 55% | 40 |
| #5 | Kikn | 55% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Dᴀʀᴛʜ Cʏʀᴏ | 42% | 147 |
| #7 | d!nk. | 42% | 31 |
| #8 | yungreefgawd | 41% | 39 |
| #9 | Shmitty | 29% | 17 |
| #10 | whoami? | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dᴀʀᴛʜ Cʏʀᴏ | 15 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | d!nk. | 9 | 0.0135 |
| #3 | Ron Swanson | 4 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | Kikn | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | yungreefgawd | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dᴀʀᴛʜ Cʏʀᴏ | 222 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #2 | Kikn | 115 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gobbles | 113 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | d!nk. | 69 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ron Swanson | 64 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ron Swanson | +4.75 | 52 | 62 |
| #2 | gator don't play | +3.71 | 58 | 79 |
| #3 | d!nk. | +1.94 | 60 | 65 |
| #4 | Kikn | +1.74 | 48 | 69 |
| #5 | MessiaHz | +0.74 | 62 | 18 |





