








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 355 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,747 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 359 | 13% |
| Smokes | 745 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 919 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 724 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $866,238 of utility $314 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 735 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Bouffeur2Testiboule | 42% | 12 |
| #9 | hemylus | 39% | 61 |
| #10 | Spitch | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | phonovore | 38% | 13 |
| #12 | Karton | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pandeo | 11 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | hemylus | 7 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Colonel Rillette | 7 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | 屠 Karnnage 杀 | 6 | 0.0142 |
| #5 | Karton | 4 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pandeo | 74 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | Karton | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | 屠 Karnnage 杀 | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Colonel Rillette | 49 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | hemylus | 47 | 0.04 | 1 min |





