








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 262 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,920 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 599 | 31% |
| Smokes | 598 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 497 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 226 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $312,668 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 383 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | 屠 Karnnage 杀 | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | I have 6 catgirls tattooed on me | 47% | 36 |
| #6 | Captain.poulet | 44% | 9 |
| #7 | Karton | 42% | 26 |
| #8 | Bouffeur2Testiboule | 36% | 11 |





