










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 99 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,866 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 367 | 13% |
| Smokes | 381 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1157 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 961 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $825,882 of utility $261 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | FutF1 | 36% | 25 |
| #17 | FlaresSoGlobal | 33% | 9 |
| #18 | hemylus | 29% | 41 |
| #19 | Bouffeur2Testiboule | 20% | 10 |
| #20 | R4GN4 | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hemylus | 8 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | I have 6 catgirls tattooed on me | 6 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Colonel Rillette | 6 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | 屠 Karnnage 杀 | 5 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | ★ Vitalic' | CS.MONEY | 5 | 0.0118 |





