








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 372 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 417 matches | ||
| Wingman | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4389 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,681 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4618 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5376 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4657 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3030 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,655,345 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 556 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus after Crack | 53% | 96 |
| #2 | Captain Crack Sparrow | 52% | 44 |
| #3 | DJ Düsenpimmel | 52% | 116 |
| #4 | Michael Crackson | 52% | 151 |
| #5 | Peter Prengel | 51% | 363 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Michael Crackson | 52% | 151 |
| #5 | Peter Prengel | 51% | 363 |
| #6 | Lorenzooo41 | 46% | 125 |
| #7 | Melbourne | 35% | 100 |
| #8 | Börnee | 34% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael Crackson | 19 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Peter Prengel | 13 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Lorenzooo41 | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Melbourne | 7 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Jesus after Crack | 5 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Peter Prengel | 870 | 0.12 | 22 min |
| #2 | Michael Crackson | 397 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #3 | Lorenzooo41 | 155 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | DJ Düsenpimmel | 103 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Captain Crack Sparrow | 86 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Crack Sparrow | +2.90 | 76 | 38 |
| #2 | Michael Crackson | +1.04 | 46 | 50 |
| #3 | Peter Prengel | +0.70 | 37 | 65 |
| #4 | Melbourne | +0.29 | 75 | 38 |
| #5 | Lorenzooo41 | +0.26 | 46 | 50 |





