








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1389 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1297 matches | ||
| Wingman | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12658 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 46,453 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13921 | 30% |
| Smokes | 16264 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 10290 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 5978 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,888,385 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1396 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Lorenzooo41 | 50% | 465 |
| #6 | Michael Crackson | 49% | 680 |
| #7 | DJ Düsenpimmel | 49% | 212 |
| #8 | Jesus after Crack | 47% | 415 |
| #9 | König Maggus | 45% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michael Crackson | 64 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Jesus after Crack | 34 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Manni Megaprügel | 26 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Lorenzooo41 | 18 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | DJ Düsenpimmel | 13 | 0.0029 |





