








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1624 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 961 matches | ||
| Wingman | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




109 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8212 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,036 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6707 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7340 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 7273 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 6716 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,026,206 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Crack Sparrow | 57% | 98 |
| #2 | Capitaine Haddock | 57% | 161 |
| #3 | Manni Megaprügel | 52% | 151 |
| #4 | Jesus after Crack | 49% | 403 |
| #5 | Peter Prengel | 49% | 680 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus after Crack | 52 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Peter Prengel | 31 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Manni Megaprügel | 15 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Lorenzooo41 | 14 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Captain Crack Sparrow | 11 | 0.0053 |





