








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 498 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 121 matches | ||
| Premier | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 106 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,023 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2576 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1955 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 4374 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 3118 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,527,486 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Lawrence | 65% | 120 |
| #2 | fartman | 61% | 224 |
| #3 | Mazio | 60% | 167 |
| #4 | The Lemon God | 60% | 99 |
| #5 | Ginormous giga max Jake | 57% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ginormous giga max Jake | 57% | 47 |
| #6 | Big Ol' Bowl of Stew | 56% | 50 |
| #7 | The Courier | 55% | 44 |
| #8 | zxz1400 | 53% | 40 |
| #9 | Sonic Says | 49% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fartman | 28 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Mazio | 18 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Johnny Lawrence | 15 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | The Courier | 6 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | The Lemon God | 4 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fartman | 244 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #2 | Mazio | 144 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | Johnny Lawrence | 111 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ginormous giga max Jake | 95 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | The Lemon God | 92 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johnny Lawrence | +4.66 | 80 | 44 |
| #2 | fartman | +3.70 | 72 | 47 |
| #3 | Mazio | +2.45 | 76 | 39 |
| #4 | Sole survivor | +1.74 | 43 | 48 |
| #5 | The Courier | -1.32 | 53 | 41 |





