








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 414 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5009 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,048 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3030 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4061 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2931 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2026 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,144,021 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 228 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blyat | 55% | 114 |
| #2 | klein scusi | 49% | 35 |
| #3 | the awping crooner | 47% | 45 |
| #4 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | Cat | 46% | 183 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 47% | 58 |
| #5 | Cat | 46% | 183 |
| #6 | jdawg | 45% | 102 |
| #7 | Boots | 44% | 43 |
| #8 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 43% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 23 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | jdawg | 16 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Boots | 10 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | blyat | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 6 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 319 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 121 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | blyat | 109 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | jdawg | 106 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Boots | 66 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Essence | +1.44 | 73 | 50 |
| #2 | jdawg | +0.95 | 83 | 41 |
| #3 | Cat | -0.17 | 49 | 41 |
| #4 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | -0.30 | 34 | 45 |
| #5 | Boots | -0.36 | 55 | 52 |





